[home] [amps] [acoustic guitars] [electric guitars 2] [ bass guitars ] [ p.a.] [wind] [misc]            Musician JOKES page [back] [page 1] [page2] [page 3] [page 4] [page 5] [page 6] [page 7] [page 8] [page 9] [page 10] [page 11] [page 12] [page 13] [page 14] [page 15]                                                                          Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common? A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed. Q: What's the definition of a gentleman? A: Someone who knows how to play the oboe but doesn't. Q: What do clarinetists use for birth control? A: Their personalities. Q: What's the latest crime wave in New York City? A: Drive-by trombone solos. Q: What is another term for trombone? A: A wind driven, manually operated, pitch approximator. Q: How do you get an oboist to play A flat? A: Take the batteries out of his electronic tuner. Q: What is the dynamic range of a bass trombone? A: On or off. Q: What's the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad oboist? A: A bad oboist can kill you. Q: What's the difference between a girl singer and a pit bull? A: Lipstick. Female vocalist asks her keyboard player, "I'd like to do 'My Funny Valentine' tonight... but can you think of a way to 'jazz' it up?" Keyboard player replies, "Sure, we can do the first chorus in G minor, then modulate to G# minor for the second chorus in 5/4 time, then modulate to A minor in 3/4 time for the bridge, then cut off the last 3 bars!" She claims, "that might be too complicated to do without a rehearsal!" Keyboard player responds, "Well, that's how you did it last night!" Vibrato: Used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch. Q: What do you call a group of lesbians with guns? A: Militia Etheridge. Perfect Pitch – When the accordion lands square in the middle of the dumpster without hitting the sides Q: What's the first thing a girl singer does in the morning? A: Puts on her clothes and goes home.